"How Did The [Computer] Chicken Cross The Road?" joke

NT Chicken:
Will cross the road in June. No, August. September for sure.
OS/2 Chicken:
It crossed the road in style years ago, but it was so quiet
that nobody noticed.
Win 95 Chicken:
You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook
it and it still tastes like... chicken.
Microsoft Chicken (TM):
It's already on both sides of the road. And it just bought the road.
OOP Chicken:
It doesn't need to cross the road, it just sends a message.
Assembler Chicken:
First it builds the road...
C Chicken:
It crosses the road without looking both ways.
C++ Chicken:
The chicken wouldn't have to cross the road, you'd simply refer
to him on the other side.
VB Chicken:
USHighways! TheRoad.cross (aChicken)
Delphi Chicken:
The chicken is dragged across the road and dropped on the other side.
Java Chicken:
If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will
download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)
Web Chicken:
Jumps out onto the road, turns right, and just keeps on running.
Gopher Chicken:
Tried to run, but got flattened by the Web chicken.
Newton Chicken:
Can't cluck, can't fly, and can't lay eggs, but you can carry it
across the road in your pocket!
Cray Chicken:
Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don't dip it
in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
Quantum Logic Chicken:
The chicken is distributed probabalistically on all sides of the
road until you observe it on the side of your course.
Lotus Chicken:
Don't you *dare* try to cross the road the same way we do!
Mac Chicken:
No reasonable chicken owner would want a chicken to cross the
road, so there's no way to tell it to.
Al Gore Chicken:
Waiting for completion of NCI (National Chicken-crossing
Infrastructure) and will cross as soon as it's finished, assuming
he's re-elected and the Republicans don't gut the program.
COBOL Chicken:
0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING.
IF NO-MORE-VEHICLES THEN
PERFORM 0010-CROSS-THE-ROAD
VARYING STEPS FROM 1 BY 1 UNTIL
ON-THE-OTHER-SIDE
ELSE
GO TO 0001-CHICKEN-CROSSING